Preparing for a parent-teacher conference? Simply want to check in? In this blog post we will discuss good questions to ask your child’s teacher. The questions I provide below will help you gather info to help you better understand how your child is adjusting academically, socially, and emotionally.
It can also give you an opportunity to share what you’re noticing at home.
You may hear “fine” when you ask your child about school. Their grades may look okay so far. And you may not have received any concerning emails or phone calls from their teacher.
But that doesn’t necessarily give you the full picture.
Instead of simply asking, “How is my child doing?”, consider asking some of these questions.
1. Is my child performing where you would expect at this point in the year?
Grades are only one measure of how a student is doing. A child may be earning acceptable grades while still working significantly harder than classmates to keep up.
Ask the teacher how your child’s current skills compare with grade-level expectations. Are they keeping pace in reading, writing, and math? Do they seem to have particular skills that are stronger or weaker?
This question can direct you to more useful information than a simple letter grade.
2. Are there any areas where my child seems to need more support than their classmates?
Teachers have the advantage of seeing your child alongside other students of the same grade level.
While every child develops differently, teachers may notice patterns that are difficult for parents to see at home. Perhaps your child needs instructions repeated more frequently, takes longer to complete written work, struggles to remember previously taught information, or needs more assistance getting started.
These observations don’t automatically indicate a learning disability, but they can help identify areas worth watching.
3. How does my child handle independent work?
Some students do very well when a teacher is actively guiding them but struggle when they are expected to work independently.
Ask whether your child can get started without frequent prompting, stay focused, complete assignments within the expected amount of time, and recognize when they need help.
Difficulty with independent work can sometimes provide clues about attention, organization, processing, or executive functioning skills.
4. How well does my child follow directions?
This is particularly helpful when asking about multi-step directions.
Does your child remember what they’re supposed to do after the teacher finishes explaining? Do they frequently watch classmates to figure out what comes next? Does the teacher need to repeat or simplify instructions?
If you’re noticing similar difficulties at home—such as needing to repeat directions several times—let the teacher know.
5. Does my child participate in class?
Participation can tell us quite a bit about how comfortable and confident a student feels at school.
Does your child volunteer answers? Ask questions when they don’t understand something? Participate in group activities?
A student who rarely participates isn’t necessarily struggling academically. Personality and temperament matter. However, reluctance to participate can sometimes stem from uncertainty, anxiety, difficulty keeping up, or fear of making mistakes.
6. What is my child doing when they find something difficult?
This is one of my favorite questions because a child’s response to difficulty can be very informative.
Does your child ask for help and keep trying? Become frustrated quickly? Shut down? Rush through the assignment? Avoid it altogether?
Sometimes what appears to be a motivation or behavior problem is actually a child’s attempt to cope with work that feels unusually difficult.
7. How is my child doing socially?
School success isn’t only academic.
Ask how your child interacts with classmates during group work, lunch, recess, and other less-structured parts of the school day.
Do they seem to have friends? Are they comfortable joining groups? Does the teacher notice conflict, isolation, or difficulty navigating social situations? Are they often tempted to misbehave or talk at inappropriate times with their friends?
Your child’s experience at school may look quite different from what you see at home.
8. Are you seeing any patterns I should be watching at home?
Teachers spend many hours each week with their students and may notice small patterns before they become significant concerns.
Perhaps your child frequently forgets materials, loses track of assignments, avoids reading aloud, becomes tired during certain activities, or has difficulty transitioning between tasks.
Asking this question lets the teacher know that you aren’t simply looking for a report card update. You’re interested in understanding your child and working together.
9. I’m noticing _____ at home. Are you seeing anything similar at school?
Parents don’t have to wait for a teacher to raise a concern.
If something doesn’t feel right, bring it up.
You might say:
“Homework is regularly taking us much longer than I would expect. Are you seeing that assignments take them longer at school, too?”
Or:
“My child has started saying they hate reading and tries to avoid it at home. Have you noticed any frustration with reading in class?”
Or:
“We’re having a hard time keeping track of assignments and materials at home. How is their organization at school?”
Sharing specific observations is often much more productive than simply saying, “I’m worried.”
It also allows you and the teacher to compare what you’re seeing in two very different environments.
10. What can we do at home, and when should we check in again?
End the conversation by looking forward.
Ask whether there are particular skills you can reinforce at home and whether the teacher has resources or strategies they recommend.
If you’ve discussed a concern, don’t be afraid to establish a plan for following up.
Rather than leaving with a vague “We’ll keep an eye on it,” you might agree to check in again in four to six weeks. That gives everyone an opportunity to see whether things are improving or whether additional support may be appropriate.
What if the teacher isn’t concerned, but you are?
This can be a confusing position for parents.
Your child’s teacher may genuinely not be seeing the same difficulties you see at home. That doesn’t mean either of you is wrong.
Some children are able to hold things together throughout the school day but come home exhausted, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Others may be performing within an acceptable range academically while using tremendous effort to do so.
And sometimes a difficulty simply hasn’t become pronounced enough for a teacher to flag it yet.
If you continue to have concerns, keep documenting what you’re seeing and maintain communication with the teacher. You may also want to speak with other professionals who work with your child.
When is it time to consider an educational evaluation?
Not every academic struggle means a child needs an evaluation. Children have difficult subjects, challenging school years, and periods when they need additional practice.
But persistent patterns deserve attention.
If your child consistently struggles with reading, writing, math, attention, memory, organization, processing information, completing assignments, or keeping pace with classmates, an educational evaluation can provide valuable information about why.
An evaluation isn’t simply about assigning a diagnosis. It can help identify your child’s strengths and weaknesses and provide recommendations for the types of support that may help them succeed.
You also don’t necessarily need to wait until your child is failing before asking questions or seeking additional information.
Parent-Teacher Conversations Are a Partnership
A parent-teacher conference doesn’t have to feel like a performance review—and you don’t need to arrive knowing exactly what questions to ask.
You know your child in a way their teacher cannot. Their teacher sees your child in an environment you don’t get to observe every day. Bringing those two perspectives together can provide a much clearer picture of how your child is doing.
Be curious. Share what you’re noticing. Ask specific questions. And if something continues to concern you, keep the conversation going. If you have concerns about your child’s learning, attention, or academic progress and would like a better understanding of their strengths and challenges, I provide educational evaluations for children and students in the Santa Clarita Valley. Contact me to learn more about the evaluation process and whether an assessment may be appropriate for your child.
